thediastema's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- That Dimples/Pelican/absent Yuppie show Every time I hang out with Dimples and her people, (who are, by association, my people -- to a lesser degree,) it seems I talk less, make less eye contact, drink more, feel guiltier. Now, I don't entirely know why I started hanging out with her last spring. Primarily, yes, I like her a lot as a person -- she's funny, she's a lot braver than I am, she's devious, and she appreciates beer and sex in a manner relatively uncommon among my female friends -- but there is always an ulteriour motive, especially when I'm involved. If I'm a good person, (which I sometimes believe I am,) I wanted to make a new bosom buddy and, in the process, expose myself to so much "conflict of interests" that I became desensitised to my own stupid infatuation, allowing her the convenience of basking in it on her own. Before he came back to work, this might have been a possibility. If I'm a bad person, (an opinion probably held by the Pope and several local theatregoers,) I did it in hopes that her adoration would fade and she'd make herself conveniently instrumental in bringing him somehow within my reach. When she got a boyfriend, an ordinary-looking older guy who is apparently great in the sack, it almost appeared as though this might happen. Both motives, given the assumption that they existed, have backfired horribly. We've both got it bad, irrationally bad. Still. For an impressively long time, I was able to keep the mess semi-contained, but drop by drop it has started to contaminate life in the office. When Yuppie came back to temp, our common threads were plentiful but thin. When we ran out of interesting things to say about cars, or Gimp's prior employment at local novelty stores, or ancient history, we always came back to That Night. As in, "Boy, That was a weird Night." He remembered a surprising amount of what I'd said -- perhaps the amount was only surprising because in my inebriated state I remembered considerably little. It was the only time we interacted that summer, and it happened because Dimples happened to be heading to the far reaches of the globe for a better part of a year, necessitating a bon voyage party. Dimples's name came up about three times during the whole month of December, and every time I was the one to mention her. The other day, as it does most days since the end of his recent revival, Yuppie's name surfaced in the Cage somewhere near Pelican's, and the seemingly-one-sided rivalry between them was dissected. I chuckled bitterly. "Pelican hates his guts." Olly raised his eyebrows. "Are those two still fighting over Dimples?" "They're not fighting." Easy, Erin. What do you know, anyway? If they were fighting, though, I'm pretty damn sure I have an idea who'd really be nailing Dimples right now. It's true. Of course, good friends don't say that sort of thing. Last night, the three of us were in the car with Durwood, who was lamenting his crush on Dinah. Up came Yuppie's name (again), and Pelican called him gay (again). Dimples finally conceded: "Yeah, I could see that." As if she were over it. Completely. For a moment I asked myself, How can someone love someone else so much and continually lie to that person's face? I caught a glimpse of myself, behind Dimples, in the rear window of Pelican's cluttered old sedan. Oh, yeah. I decided in the bathtub this morning that I really, truly, passionately want the whole situation to just mature. By which I mean blow up in all of our faces. It's not as though any solution will make anyone happy, no matter how long we wait. So bring on the bile. None of us deserves better, at this point. ~~ In the current-events department, I've about had it with nightclubs, nightclub owners, nightclub bouncers, and nightclub entertainment in this country. How 'bout you? ~ETK "If you can look into the seeds of time and say which grain will grow and which will not, speak then to me, who neither beg nor fear your favours nor your hate." --Bill Shakespeare's Scottish play, now showing 17:46 - 22 February, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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