thediastema's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- SOUGHT: Attractive Dork Who Will Put Out And Buy Me Stuff So far, with about two and a half hours to go locally before society can officially start measuring my social inadequacy (read: lack of access to Attractive Dork Who Will Put Out And Buy Me Stuff) it is my pleasure to report that I have received one valentine. It is from Melissa. It is some sort of plush heartshaped toy with arms that can be Velcro-ed together. It showed up in today's post. Planck has already absconded with it. Granted, I may hold out the tiniest morsel of hope that the situation will reverse itself. Indeed, in a world where The Missing Link can grow up to be President, anything is possible; I may, indeed, be pleasantly surprised by a barbershop quartet at my office window tomorrow, delivering a singing telegram of "Deeper than Beauty" and leaving on my consul a set of shiny keys to an even shinier new car, all courtesy of the bottomless pockets of the ever-elusive Attractive Dork Who Will Put Out And Buy Me Stuff. From a statistical standpoint, however, there is a far greater likelihood I'll die from salmonella poisoning for all the raw cookie dough I'll be eating at this time tomorrow night while I slouch in this selfsame computer chair and play a few lackadaisical hours of The Sims with my free hand. I am probably going to alienate anyone who's still reading with the following statement, but dammit, this is my diary: there comes a time, after a few millenia of postromantic-celibacy-by-default, when the freedom to fart in bed has lost its sparkle, and I seem to recall traversing that particular checkpoint some months back. Attractive Dork Who Will Put Out And Buy Me Stuff, wherever you are, you have wasted enough of my time. Please make yourself known and report immediately for looking-pretty-and-putting-out-and-buying-me-stuff duty. So I can pretend, for once in my life, that I have an interest in something other than ensnaring one of you. ~ETK 21:54 - 13 February, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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