thediastema's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Geneva WHO-cords?

I caught some of this dialogue today in between morsels of my afternoon-nap-with-TV-blaring. (Why yes, yes, I am eighty.) Controversy is starting to brew: when we suspect a guy has amazing dirt on terrorist organizations and we already have him detained in the bitter tundra of the Caribbean, is it justifiable to torture him into spilling beans? I mean, we're the US, the only smart country in the world,1 the most benevolent entity in the universe,2 renown bastion of good form and above-average literacy.3


1 Kidding
2 Or not
3 Please excuse the scores of monkeys currently beating a breakneck-speed retreat from my butt; won't happen again

Now, apparently, according to some pact on which our forefathers pinky-swore,4 we don't employ torture as a means of obtaining hot terrorist gossip. It would be hypocritical, right? I mean, you're denouncing fundamentalists because they have a slight penchant for voicing their political aims through terror, you want to keep the moral high ground and not terrorise them back. What's sauce for the goose will just make the gander uppity because he'll think you're accusing him of being a fairy.5

4 Geneva Accords, the. See also: international toilet paper
5 God, what a horrible analogy

So, there are a few specific tactics that we consider "off limits":

  • Infliction of really really bad physical pain6
  • Infliction of really really bad psychological pain7

6 Bamboo shoots under the fingernails
7 Showing the poor guy a bunch of those old Sally Struthers "feed the, uh, children, yeah, children" commercials until the horror of it all just makes him break down and disclose everything

There are a few things we can get away with, like forcing people to stay awake until they talk, filling them up on coffee and making them talk before they can hit the urinals, blaring loud music. If you ask me, the last of these tactics could very well get the job done with a minimal amount of mess, provided the guys used the intro music from this site on a constant loop. I just played it for myself about fifteen times over, and I'm not afraid to betray my spy organization anymore.

I am, however, sick of typing.

~ETK

03:01 - 05 March, 2003

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next

latest entry

about me

archives

notes

DiaryLand

contact

random entry

other diaries:

andshewas
andrew
androydegirl
apexsensatin
arriyah
azazoth
badgrammar
bayliss
binzey
blowtorch
bn2b
captionthis
constable
dialectical
duckfoil
eon
feetintheair
get-a-grip
hot-topic
jamayia
jesuscrust
kissacod
libbylynn
localaura
m-1967
modernlove
motherlode
mornglory
oddgoogle
onea
orewane
petite-bijou
pharinet
purefiction
rebecca
shlippy
silverangelz
soch
socio-eco
mai-liis
toejam
tones
torchy
thunderdave
turtleguy
woweezowee
waterstain
arquene
booknoser
hotmonkeysex
darklily
maidofspades
tiendasexo
laughercurve
krazyfox
adwhore
bobmcgoogle